Why we need to stop telling women that self-care is matcha and pilates

Instant plot twist: I thoroughly enjoy both of those things. But hear me out, folks.

Since launching my own 0% drinks brand, I spend a fair bit of time on social media following wellness trends, healthy tips, and longevity hacks. It might be me, it might be the algorithm, but I can’t help noticing a recurring pattern:

Modern self‑care, especially the kind marketed to women, feels like yet another chore - and an expensive one.

It seems to require perfectly manicured hands on an organic Pilates mat, slowly‑sipped matchas in beige and always‑sunny cafes. It’s all very curated, very privileged, very white... and completely missing the point.

This version of self‑care tells me - and many of my female friends - that it happens outside of family life, outside of work, and most often, outside of the home.

But the reality - as a working mom in Switzerland - is quite different. The majority of Swiss mothers work part-time, yet still carry the lion’s share of childcare and housework. Globally, women spend nearly twice as much time on unpaid domestic work as men - about 4.5 hours a day. That’s hours of invisible labor, on top of paid work, every single day.

Add a long workday on top, and you face the eternal conundrum: do I sleep, or do I put a mask on? Stretch, or take a short walk? There’s never a good answer - because the day is genuinely too short.

Most days this is the best I get when it comes to self care

When self‑care becomes about places we visit or things we buy, it turns into just another tick-box on an endless to‑do list - and a race to keep up.

So, do we just throw in the towel? Accept that the season when kids are small - and when many of us are in the prime of our careers - is something to power through, pushing self‑care to the side?

Hopefully not.

But I do think we need to reframe the conversation: stop equating wellbeing with luxury.

Real, sustainable self‑care only works when it’s gently woven into our daily lives - not squeezed in. Sometimes it’s a micro‑break in the workday. Other times it’s remembering that rest comes in many forms (go read more about the 7 types of rest by the brilliant Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, author of Sacred Rest). Most importantly, it thrives when it’s supported by people around us - partners, friends, neighbors, coworkers.

So instead of that staged matcha moment, maybe it’s a simple cup of black tea with milk, shared while catching up with a family member abroad. Instead of a weekend escape that keeps getting postponed, maybe it’s committing to one phone‑free day at home.

Sure, none of this looks glamorous on Instagram. But it doesn’t make it any less real.

In the meantime, I’ll still sip my matcha when I want - but I’m done pretending it’s the only valid form of self‑care. Often, a deep breath in your kitchen while the baby naps does infinitely more for your nervous system than a full wellness retreat.

And that, dear friends, is more than enough.